The Elite BBS by The Skank <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< "The 'Elite' BBS" Written BY: The Skank >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Note: This file may offend those without a sense of humor- if don't have one, you may totally irrationalize the left side of your brain and fry like a worm on hot asphalt. In other words don't read any further. Quick Quote- "Its called a sense of humor. You should get one, they're nice."- Duckie, from the movie "Pretty in Pink" : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : The 'Elite' BBS. They're everywhere. Very easy to identify also. Just look for the 'Only Elite' or 'Elite Only' behind the name of the BBS. In some cases, the word 'Elite' is incorporated in the name of BBS. None will be mentioned as there are some 'Elite' boards that may be offended that actually deserve the word Elite. But you get the picture. How to spot the 'Elite' board: Only Elite Users- no one with a modem less than 2 years old Only Elite Posting- no rag wars or anything below elite quality Spankin' new wares- nothing older than 1 day Warp speed modems- anything slower than 9600 and you're in the dust In the following file is a simulated call at 'The Elite BBS'. And of course the software is what else ? "The Elite BBS Software: For Elite BBS's"..... : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : RING LOGIN: ? (notice the elusive cover of LOGIN) LOGIN: umm anyone there? LOGIN: (apparently not one of the 'elite'!) RING LOGIN: OPEN SAYS ME (original eh?) The door opens and you enter.... __________ __ __ _______ | | /:::::::::: /:: /:: /::::::: | | /:: /::___/:: /::___ | | /:: /:::::::: /:::::: | | /:: /:: /:: /::_____ | | /:: /:: /:: /:::::::: | | _______ __ __ __________ _______ | | /::::::: /:: /:: /:::::::::: /::::::: | | /::___ /:: /:: /:: /::___ | | /:::::: /:: /:: /:: /:::::: | | /::_____ /::_____ /:: /:: /::_____ | | /:::::::: /:::::::: /:: /:: /:::::::: | | _______ _______ _______ | | /::::::: /::::::: /::::::: | | /::___/:: /::___/:: /::____ | | /::::::: /::::::: /::::::: | | /::___/:: /::___/:: _____/:: | | /:::::::: /:::::::: /::::::: | | | |_____________________________________________________________________ |______________________________________________________________________/ (Notice the superb text graphics- awesome!) [:| Account |:] 783 (pretty high account number- must be alot of elite users! or a scitsophrantic sy sop..) [:| Pass-word |:] XXXXXXXXXXXX [:| 2nd Pass |:] XXXXXXXXXXX [:| Phone # |:] 212/ 980-1212 [:| System Pass |:] XXXXXXXX [:| >Wait< |:] (high security so none of the non-elite can attempt to get on!) | Welcome SULPHURIC ASH, <- original handles to say the least | You were last on | The Elite BBS : 06/30/88 | Todays Date : 07/01/88 | Total Time on : 54 hours 16 minutes | Last Caller : CYANIDE INJECTION |_______________________________________ (all of the needed info we would die without..) [ You have mail waiting! ] Read it now ? YES ] (Oh goody! someone wants to talk to me!) | The Elite Mail System | From : ENDOSPASMIC RECTUM <- again, quite original handles | Date : 06/30/88 | Subject: Hey.... |_____________________________________________________________________________ I have had that ware for over 2 weeks now! talk about old! Did you get any new codes? If so, tell me what they are- I can't hack them out myself cause I'm not elite..latre [ A/C/D/Quit ] Auto Reply Title: Well... | Enter your Elite Message now, 80 columns 4k max- .s quicksave -----|-----|-----|-----|-----|-----|-----|-----|-----|-----|-----|-----|----- If you're not Elite what are you doing on this board ? Only ELI{axz!da{{atab{ Oops. Sorry bout' the line noise. ONLY ELITE USERS!!!!!! (carriage returns) Latre, Sulph Ash .s [ Saving your Elite Message... ] [ Saved! ] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LOGON MESSAGE: BY: MR. SYSOP DATE: 06/29/88 I know that the 9600bps modem is slow for all of you, but bear with me until I can get that 19200 working. Thank you for being such ELITE users. Mr. Sysop ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (what a sweet sysop. Makes me feel so elite. 9600bps is slow?) [|:34:| The Elite BBS :|] B Bulletins (all right! get to see the nifty posting!) [|: The Elite Board 1-100 :|] 100 | To : Milk Dude | From: FLOWER MONSTER | Date: 07/01/88 | Subj: This |____________________________________________________________________________ whole BBS is for the Elite only, not for people who just got their modems. _ /-lower /\/\onster (quite the ELITE signature. text graphic here, text graphic there, here a text graphic, there a text graphic, everywhere a text graphic...) [ A/N/S/Quit ] Quit [|: The Elite Board 1-100: |] 99 | To : All | From: MILK DUDE | Date: 07/01/88 | Subj: Modems.. |____________________________________________________________________________ I just got a 300 baud modem. Is that good? Well, I think I'll go get some brand new warez- just got flight simulator- anybody got it ? Oh by the way, I'm new and I hope that I can become friends with each and everyone on this board. ||\\//||ilk DUDE! (is this guy elite or what?) [ A/N/S/Quit ] Auto-Reply Is this via The Elite Mail System ([Y]/N) YES Title: ....... | Enter your Elite Message now, 80 columns 4k max- .s quicksave -----|-----|-----|-----|-----|-----|-----|-----|-----|-----|-----|-----|----- How did you ever get on this board. You are a loser. Where'd you get the login and system pass? Sulph Ash .s (where'd you get your personality?) [ Saving your Elite Message...] [ Saved! ] [|: The Elite Board 1-100 :|] Quit (man we posted alot!) [|:30:| The Elite BBS :|] X Turbo Elite Transfers [ ]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::[ ] |\| The Elite BBS EliteTAC 6.1z |/| [ ]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::[ ] ____ ___ ___ ____ ___ || || || ||_|| || ||_ ||\ || || ||_|| || || ||__ || \|| Top Ten Elite Blocks Top Ten Leeches Blocks ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MirrororriM 234123 Sulphuric Ash 432853 Health Nut 234122 Endospamic Rectum 417175 Bottle'o'Pop 234121 Acid Reaction 398657 Peppy 234120 Cool Whip 384893 Karateka 234119 Chains&Bondage 312422 Drug Addict 234118 Nuclear Condom 302183 Mr. Sysop 234117 Mr. Sysop 302123 Killer Panty 234116 The Parasite 293272 Farmer Ted 234115 Opaque Lengerie 282931 Tenth Ammendment 234114 Ten Commandments 10 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | Note: Don't upload anything you think might even be slightly old- only the | newest warez- unless requested. And no text files as they take up space. | Thank you for being so ELITE. | Mr. Sysop |___________________________________________________________________________ Space used, vol. 1 -60 -> 121002k Space Free -> 160598k Space used, vol. 61-120 -> 201324k Space Free -> 80276k Total Space: 550megs (text files take up space? what space? this place only has 563200k total..) Your credits: 21345 12-1 block ratio Protocol: | [ Y ] Ymodem Batch | [ X ] Xmodem ProDOS | [ W ] Wmodem | [ Z ] Zmodem | [ T ] Turbo Modem | [ Q ] Qmodem Batch | [ E ] Elite Modem (nice wide variety of protocols) Choose:E Elite Modem Timout Transfer interval set on ELITE [|:28:| Elite Transfer :|] Directory [|:1/2 day old //e UTILITIES:|] ____________________________________ |# |Name |TYP|Blks |Xmd | | | | | | | |01|PROTERM.2.2z |DDD|243 |1034 | |02|COPY.2.PLUS.8.5 |DDD|278 |1285 | |03|D.O.A. |DDD|234 |987 | |04|APPLEWORKS.3.1S1|DDD|279 |1301 | |05|APPLEWORKS.3.1S2|DDD|256 |1115 | |06|APPLEWORKS.3.1S3|DDD|201 |892 | |07|APPLEWORKS.3.1S4|DDD|267 |1162 | |08|HD.MANGER.2.1.S1|DDD|189 |798 | <- WOW, a file under 200 blocks |09|HD.MANGER.2.1.S2|DDD|298 |1560 | |10|PEN.PENCIL.S1 |DDD|202 |894 | |11|PEN.PENCIL.S2 |DDD|212 |914 | |12|PEN.PENCIL.S3 |DDD|254 |1110 | |13|PEN.PENCIL.S4 |DDD|264 |1155 | |____________________________________| (talk about latest wares!) [|:28:| Elite Transfer :|] Log a volume Current: 1 Volume: 50 [|:27:| Elite Transfer :|] Directory [|: 1/2 day old //e WARES :|] ____________________________________ |# |Name |TYP|Blks |Xmd | | | | | | | |01|KING.QUEST.4.S1 |DDD|243 |1034 | |02|KING.QUEST.4.S2 |DDD|278 |1285 | |03|KING.QUEST.4.S3 |DDD|234 |987 | |04|KING.QUEST.4.S4 |DDD|279 |1301 | |05|KING.QUEST.4.S5 |DDD|256 |1115 | |06|KING.QUEST.4.S6 |DDD|201 |892 | |07|KING.QUEST.4.S7 |DDD|267 |1162 | |08|KING.QUEST.4.S8 |DDD|189 |798 | |09|KING.QUEST.4.S9 |DDD|298 |1560 | |10|KING.QUEST.4.S10|DDD|202 |894 | |11|KING.QUEST.4.S11|DDD|212 |914 | |12|KING.QUEST.4.S12|DDD|254 |1110 | |13|KING.QUEST.4.S13|DDD|264 |1155 | |14|KING.QUEST.4.S14|DDD|202 |894 | |15|KING.QUEST.4.S15|DDD|212 |914 | |16|KING.QUEST.4.S16|DDD|254 |1110 | |17|KING.QUEST.4.S17|DDD|264 |1155 | |18|KING.QUEST.4.S18|DDD|202 |894 | |19|KING.QUEST.4.S19|DDD|212 |914 | |20|KING.QUEST.4.S20|DDD|254 |1110 | |21|KING.QUEST.4.S21|DDD|264 |1155 | |22|KING.QUEST.4.S22|DDD|202 |894 | |23|KING.QUEST.4.S23|DDD|212 |914 | |24|KING.QUEST.4.S24|DDD|254 |1110 | |____________________________________| (can't you see this in the near future ?) [|:27:| Elite Transfer :|] Send Via Elite Modem |Total Blocks Downloaded: 6012 |Credit Before: 21345 |Credit After : 15333 |Approx. Time : 5:24 |______________________________ |Press [Return] to Begin or [ESC] to cancel |__________________________________________ Sending Volume 50 via Elite Modem... DONE (the advantages of being elite and having warp speed modems- downloading an entire directory!) [|:21:| Elite Transfer :|] Hang up? Yes, I am not feeling elite (that's because you're not) | Well goodbye Sulphuric Ash, | Your total Eliteness- 18 minutes, 3 seconds | Please call back soon and | Thank you for being so ELITE!!! |___________________________________________ Call these other Fine, ELITE boards- of course none are as Elite as The Elite BBS. (of course none are as modest as The Elite BBS) Elites Only 212-222-1212 System Pass: >Classified< Only Elites 313-112-2131 LOGIN:1[<1>4(8&123)+12/31)] (once again that incredibly easy never to forget login found only on an Elite bbs) Elite User's 312-279-3812 pw: BE ELITE BBS Elite 404-121-2121 pw: LEECHES SUCK All of these boards have a minimum of 9600 baud and 300 megabytes online. {a^z{{2a{o NO CARRIER And that is but one call to an elite board. And think of the millions of calls per day made by millions of elite users to millions of other Elite BBS's, and the vast amount of uncharted Elite BBS's and unknown Elite users and...well, I'll stop before I turn into Carl Sagan. And that is something we really don't need....besides a couple Elite BBSs... This file has been brought to you by the letter..."E" - hmmm...I wonder what that could stand for..possibly ELIT...